Bar v Family: how to win both

Criminal barrister and mother of three Felicity Gerry shares advice on combining family and the bar.

Women at the bar are like Ginger Rogers: they can do everything the men can do, and backwards in high heels. The following advice is based on my own meandering experience.

• Remember what you do is more important than who you are. You uphold the rule of law and make sure that victims and defendants receive a fair trial regardless of the accusation or the social standing of the defendant. This may come to some personal sacrifice but trust me, after 17 years at the bar, this element of public duty keeps your career thrilling at no great expense to your personal life

• Be prepared. Preparation is the key to every case. The thinner the brief almost inevitably means the more the law. Make time to research every point. Organise your papers. Control your diary. Read

• Every day you will worry about getting something wrong. This can be cases or something in your personal life. The advantage of a court based criminal practice is that, once you are in court you completely focus on the case and the wall of mayhem in your personal life is outside the door

• Don't waste your time looking at someone else's practice. Develop your own style. Be available for every call and email. I recently missed out on a murder as I was at a funeral. That's about the only time you can be off line on a work day

• Your private life is private and the client does not need to know. However, my best ever cross-examination was in the middle of a three-month trial four days after my father died. Your private life is none of a client's business, but when they do know, put on a show

• Maternity leave is a pleasure not a curse. My chambers has a progressive maternity policy. Don't let anyone tell you that your practice will be affected by time off with your baby

• Make time for your children collectively and individually. This means using the whole day when a case goes short so that you can take the evenings off. I do my night-time paperwork when the children are in bed. We all have Friday night off together with takeout food! Block some of the school holidays out of your diary at the beginning of the year and try to keep to it but don't book with the tour operator until the last minute as cases overrun. Book holiday locations with no telephone or internet reception. I have had calls from clerks while on a balcony in South Africa!

• Pay. To work you need good childcare! Remember your practice has an element of public duty so you cannot call in sick or stay with your children if they are ill. That's what grandmas are for. You are more important than the WI

• Accept you can't do everything- I don't cook, and I pay for cleaning and ironing. Carry flat shoes, have your nails done and take a taxi

• You are not mad, just tired, and your children will understand.

(Published by The Guardian - May 4, 2011)